I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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