so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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