we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
