New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
