I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
