this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
