I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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