It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Everclear isn't food dammit
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
