It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
