its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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