I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
the liver wants what the liver wants
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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