i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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