Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
