I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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