My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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