What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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