I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
