I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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