she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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