Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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