I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
