You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
