Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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