these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
