Porn is love you can see.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
