Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
