yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
