No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
