I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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