my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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