woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
