I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you would pick up someone in the library
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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