I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
