i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
