My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
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I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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