do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
