Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
