I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
