the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize