that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
