I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
