My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
