Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
