we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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