I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize