The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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