buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
