it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
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