Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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