When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
