I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
