Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
