Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
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They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
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YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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