I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
