You're so nebulous sometimes
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
