you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
So much Jack, so little girl.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
