isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
