you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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