I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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