There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
