a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
