i don't plan on having that self control this summer
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
