Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
