He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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