you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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