Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
