I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
